Totally in love
by CatchingStar
Summary: Re-posted and corrected. I have been working beside this person for eight, almost nine years and today I’ll ask her to be officially my girlfriend. Sara/Cath fic. enjoy


**Disclaimers: **the characters on this fanfic DO NOT belong to me, but CBS only. 

*

Have you ever loved someone so much that every time you think about her you smile like a fool, or when you hear that sweet voice (far away or closer) is sufficient to make all the pain go away, or when she shot you a glare or a smile you feel like there is no one else on earth at the moment but the two of you?

I know it sounds crazy and totally impossible for a human being. It can only exist in fairytales! Well I can't say I never thought like you too, but let me tell you something: this unexpected, incredible, and powerful feeling does exist. I feel it every single day because of a woman named Catherine Willows - a wonderful mother, an amazing and caring partner, and a brilliant csi, and the most exciting thing is that she feels the same way too, and for me, a woman no less.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Sara Ann Sidle; I am 35 years old; graduated from Berkeley University, California, and am a crime scene investigator from the Las Vegas crime lab. I have been working beside this person for eight, almost nine years and today I'll ask her to officially be my girlfriend.

But first, let me go back to two years ago, just to give you the scenario when everything started to work between us.

_Two years ago…_

Catherine and I started going out for a drink at least once a week without the guys. It was an almost desperate attempt to work through our issues and stop those tiresome and hurtful fights every time we work on a really bad case. It never crossed my mind that I not opening up to her was the reason why she always lost her head with me. She wanted to know the real me, like she knew about the rest of the guys, but I didn't tell her anything about my life or my feelings. I just stopped talking and walked away. But although it surprised me, it makes me feel really well after the ten, maybe fifteen minutes after she spoke.

Throughout my childhood I had to be quiet and pretend that everything was ok. Pretend that my mom wasn't an abuser or that my father wasn't a drunk, abuser (of my mom and myself) and a rapist with me. How could I risk him finding out that I had opened up with someone? And who would want to be a friend of someone who could become a drunk and an abuser in the future? I could never do that to anyone, never. I'd prefer to be shot in the head than to make someone I love hurt like that, but people think what they want, you know? And sometimes there's nothing you can do to make them believe in you.

After my father was killed, by my own mother and after she went to prison, I went into foster care and continued to be quiet, never talked about my life or family and found a very pleasant way of not feeling miserable: reading. I read a lot and studied harder and harder and entered the university with the best grades in Physics. Two years later, I met Grissom in a seminar and he introduced me to forensics. I finished my graduation, did a two year course of forensics and became a csi.

I told her all that, but it took a lot of strength, alcohol, and therefore money - along with her incredible patience and caring - to actually do it. And God it was painful, but at the same time it was the best moment of my life.

The other secret revealed was that I'm bi. I date both men and women and the ones who are really capable of satisfying me in more then a sexual way are women. She was stunned at that because I never gave any indication that I play both sides, which isn't true, but I guess I was too afraid of her to know the true about my crush for her. The next night, she revealed to me that she too liked women and that she had experimented in her days as an exotic dancer, but after she got pregnant with Lindsey, she decided to stay with men and it has been like that until this year.

'Do you know why I do it?' she asked. Not a clue. 'Because it's safe. I don't have to worry about falling in love for any of them and being hurt by them when it comes to an end'

'How did you know that?' I asked. 'I mean, as far as I know, you don't choose the person you fall in love'

'Yes, but you need to be open to feel all that anxiousness and really want to fall in love with someone and when you're not… well, the person just doesn't show up'

'So you're not in love with anyone right now?'

'Surprisingly, I am'

'But you said…'

'Things work well when you're convicted and conscious about your attitudes and the people around you, but unconsciously it's a completely different thing and I was caught by someone'

'May I ask who?'

'Someone that until recently, I didn't know was even an option'

Thank God I was sitting on a chair and not drinking anything when she said those words, because I felt my whole body go weak and my jaw drop. She blushed at my reaction and than started to feel very uncomfortable. I reach her hand just in time to say 'I feel the same way too'. Can you believe that someone so gorgeous, and who could have any person in the world, wants to be with me? I can't, and sometimes still wonder why, but only until she whispered in my ear 'I love you'. I guess love doesn't care about someone's faults, just the good things. Good!

After that day, we started going out as a couple, not just for a drink but a movie, a walk in the park, and sometimes we took Lindsey with us too, for shopping, enjoy the pool at a club. After all, she is Catherine's number one and I needed to be sure she was ok with her mother dating a woman, and me. So it took me eight months to finally have the courage and ask her to officially be my girlfriend. And since that day, I feel like the happiest person in the world.

'Hey Grissom, can I talk to you for a second?' I asked, appearing in his office at the end of the shift.

'Sure Sara, take a seat'

'It's ok, I won't take long. I just need two days off' Grissom took his glasses off like he had heard the most surreal thing in the world and ok, I don't ask for days off, ever, and I like to work in the holidays, but that's not the point, I have needs too, like everyone else, and right now is to prepare a wonderful night for my beloved girlfriend. And I will not say that to him. 'Are you going to give it to me or not?'

'I… hum… yeah sure, you have… a lot days to take, but why?' Ladies and gentlemen Gil Grissom was speechless! It's going to rain tonight!

'Personal stuff'

'Is it something to do with your mother?'

'No. Don't even say that! It's… a good thing'

'Ok then, I'll see you on Monday'

I got home around five a.m. and took a nice, long bath before going to bed. I couldn't take the smile off my face as I was going over my plan for Catherine's surprise. The only thing that needed to be done was a little chat with the little girl, but I had to the perfect opportunity to do it without Catherine hearing and making the older willows become suspicious

We had planned to go to the park to ride bikes, the three of us, that Saturday and when Catherine went to buy something for us to drink, because it was a really hot day, I brought the subject up. Lindsey got really excited about it, but her smile almost disappeared when I asked if she would agree to stay at her aunt's for the night. She though about it for awhile and made a proposition, the dinner in exchange for help on her science project, a Vulcan.

'Sweetie, there is no way I wouldn't help you with something like that, so it's not a deal. You think about something and tell me, ok? Oh, and, don't tell your mom about…'

'About what?'

'Sara has a present for you'

'Lindsey!'

'What? I didn't tell her what it is and she won't try to make you talk'

'And who said I won't?'

'I am and believe me you don't want to make Sara mad at you today. Can I go play on the swing?' Catherine nodded and the girl ran to the swing.

'Sara, what was that about?'

'You heard loud and clear my dear. Now come on, you'll swing both of us'

'What?'

'I didn't play like normal kid and I wanna do this now' Grabbing Catherine's hand, Sara pushed her, almost making her fall to the ground. 'Sorry, baby'

During the afternoon we lay on the couch watching some movie.

'Hey, mom, can I sleep at Aunt Nancy's place today?'

'Sure, but why don't you want to stay with us?'

'Because we're not going to be here and she can't be alone. To win your present, you'll have to dress formally and appear at my place at seven-thirty. Go get your stuff sweetie, I will drive you'.

'Ok. I'll be back in a few'

'Let me guess, you already talked to my sister and she said yes'

'Guilty' I said pressing my mouth to hers. Catherine, as always when we kiss, didn't show any resistance as I anxiously asked for permission. I can't hold back the moan that escapes me when our tongues met and slowly and passionately, I explored every inch of her wonderful mouth. We only broke apart, because the need of air became too much.

'I'm ready'

'I'll see you at seven-thirty'

_Back __to the present moment…_

Taking one last look at my outfit I decide it is good. The only way of getting better would be if I were someone else completely different, which I'm not. Besides, Catherine knows all my scars and didn't show any problem with them what-so-ever so I don't have to worry about the one a little exposed on my back.

As soon I light the candles on the dinner table, the doorbell rang.

'Ok Sara, just try to relax' I think pressing play on the CD player 'everything is going to be fine' Taking a few deep breaths I open the door and smile. Oh my...

'This present had better be really good, because I only were this on special occasions' she said with a smirk. God Lord! I glance at her from head to toe and back up to her blue eyes. I never saw this dress before, but it's more than beautiful, it's just perfect. 'Aren't you going to invite me to enter?'

'Of course, I'm sorry. I just… can't find the proper words to describe you'

'There is no need for words. Your eyes tell me everything I need to know. You are very beautiful yourself' Getting closer, I touch her soft face before leaning in for a kiss, a quick one. 'So where are we… Wow'

'Yeah, I hum, decide to make something special myself and well, I hope you don't mind'

'Are you kidding? This is amazing, sweetie' she says kissing me again. Before she had time to break contact, my hand is on her back pulling her closer. The sudden movement takes her by surprise and she opened her mouth and I use this opportunity to taste her. A loud moan escapes into the air although I'm not sure which one of us it was.

'Wine?' Catherine nodded with a smile. She has a very sensitive taste for wine so I hope I chose a good one.

'Thank you. It smells good' Speaking of smell, I'll go check the stove before my roast gets too roasted. Instead of wondering so much about what was in the plate, I should have paid attention to the plate itself.

'Shit!'

'Everything ok sweetie?'

'Yeah, I just burned myself a little bit'. Damn, that hurts!

'Let me take a look' she says coming to the kitchen and curiously I waited frozen to the spot. 'Nothing to worry about, you can still use your beautiful hand for everything' she squeeze and planted a kiss on the top before taking my finger into her mouth.

'You are such a tease'

'Yes I am, and you liked it. So, what did you prepare?'

'A roast with tomatoes and oregano, rice cooked with prawn and cheese, and for dessert, we will have pettit gateau with black berry syrup'

'I can think of something better to do with the black berry syrup'

'Oh yeah, me too, but first lets eat because who knows when I will cook again for us'

'I told you that you could cook at my house anytime'

'Yes, but you are much better at this. And a lot of other stuff too'

'Now that's right!' she says with a smile.

During the meal, we talked about Lindsey's party at the amusement park next month, about movies, theater, nothing bad and especially not work related. It seems to me that Catherine is really enjoying my cooking, because she is licking her lips way too often. And God that's so sexy!

'You sure you don't need a hand?' she asked when I went to the kitchen.

'No. I'm good. But you can put in another CD if you want'

'Do you have Andrea Bocelli?'

'Yes, it should be in the second rack below my player'

While the dessert is on stove and the black berry syrup is been warmed, I go pick the blue velvet box from my dresser. People sometimes don't see a point in doing all this just to ask this question, especially after you have been seeing each other for eight months and spending all weekend together. But being in love and to be loved by someone so incredible it doesn't happen all the time, with me of all people, so I want to show her how much everything means to me. I just hope she say yes.

'Here you go' I say putting the plate in front of her and holding the box behind my back.

'So besides csi you are an artist too?' she says looking my decoration with the syrup. 'Hum, baby, this is delicious. I have to say, this dinner was absolutely great'

'I'm glad you liked it'

'Why aren't you eating?'

'Honestly? Because my stomach is not allowing me to' I say blushing. Catherine cleans her mouth with the napkin and stares at me confused. 'The thing is… these past few months have been great with you and Lindsey. I finally have a reason to wake up and smile and I'm feeling very secure about what I want and it's you so… what I wanna ask is… will you be my girlfriend?'

'I am already your girlfriend Sara'

'The problem is no one knows Cat and I'm tired of keeping this a secret, had hiding my feeling from our friends, and worrying about Grissom, Ecklie, the sheriff or whoever is not happy with us being a couple. I want them to know that you are mine and each day I fall more in love with you'.

'I feel the same way Sara and yes, there is a part of me that wants to scream to everyone, but by risking my job, I risk not only my future but Lindsey's and…'

'You can't do that, I know, but thrust me, I though a lot about that before making this decision' my hand crossed the table and held hers. 'If, by any chance, they get in the middle of our relationship I'm willing to fight and even quit. You stay and I'll go'

'What? You can't be serious!' slowly I put the velvet box in front of her. If she doesn't believe me than maybe my gift will make her see how much I'm serious.

'Open it' Catherine looks from the box to me and back to the box. 'As you see, there are three diamonds on it, I chose this number because it represents us and Lindsey'

'Sara'

'Look inside'

''C & S. November 16, 2008'. Wait, today is… '

'November 16' I whisper seeing the tears emerging in her blue eyes, exactly what she sees in mine. Catherine places the ring on her finger and looks at how perfect it fits. (As if it could be any different)

'I guess this means yes' I know it's a stupid thing to say, but I couldn't care less. She gets up from the chair and crosses the table to sit on my lap.

'Only a crazy person would say no and I'm definitively not crazy' Catherine leans for a kiss and the soft touch our mouths is enough to send me to heaven. My hand goes inside her hair and we start a long and sweet fight to see who could taste more and deeper than the other, only breaking when the need for air is too much to bear.

'It's beautiful isn't it?' she asks showing the ring.

'on your hand, yes'

'But I don't think I can wear it every day sweetie, because I don't want to lose it for anything'

'Well, you can wear it until you get in the lab - again to people see it - than you lock it safe in the locker room and put it back on before you leave the lab.

'Don't forget taking a bath, doing the dishes and sleeping'

'If you find any more excuses I'll start feeling very, very hurt Cat' I say seriously but without taking the smirk from my face. Catherine laughs and kisses me, long and passionate.

'Do you think you can scare me?' she asks licking and sucking my ear. 'Because Sara, I need you'

'We will have to see to that, won't we? One, two, three'

**The end**

**Ps. I though about put some explicit sex between the girls because I like that, but it didn't seem to fit so well.**

**Ps 2. Reviews are welcome but don't tell me to stop writing. It will not happen any time soon. Sorry! **


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